Meeting Jesus
When I was five years old, I had a dream that Jesus was standing on the sidewalk in front of my neighbor's home. He walked toward me, beckoning for me to come toward him. The loving warmth that I felt enveloped me, comforting me, despite the fact that this man was an obvious stranger to me. Why did I respond in this manner? Why didn't I run away?

Train Up A Child
Jesus is introduced to children through storybooks, cartoons, songs, plays, games, Sunday School flannelboards, and children's bibles. They are taught the good parts about Jesus, learn to identify themselves as sinners, and may even receive the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit". Respected adults stress the importance of prayer, worship, bible reading, accountability partners, witnessing, sin confession, repentance, and the superiority of faith above reason. Ministers occasionally employ magic tricks to strengthen the children's faith, highlighting the apparent impossibility of such things (especially to children who have never been exposed). It is through the culmination of these several activities that children become familiar with Jesus to the point of adoration, and at least partially the reason for my warm feeling at the thought of Jesus in my dream.

Unlike many of my peers, though, I managed to miss out on much of these activities as a child, largely due to a lack of a desire on my part. When I told my parents that I wanted to have no part in the children's group, they quickly honored my desires and began bringing me to the main services. It was here that I learned of things such as demons and spiritual warfare. I distinctly recall two messages that shaped my understanding of God: one on how to pray in a manner which is often called the "Name it, Claim it" doctrine, and one about demonic oppression in which the preacher stated that God allowed him to actually see the warfare between the angels and demons. As a product of these messages, my prayers generally included the following statement: "God, in Jesus' name I command you to send angels to surround my house." During this prayer and my attempts to fall asleep, I would imagine beasts fighting to get at me. Frequently, words that I never heard uttered from my parents' mouths such as 'shit' or 'damn' popped into my head. This, to my juvenile mind, was an obvious attempt of the demons to cause me to go to hell.

Growing Up With God
As I aged (starting at the age of seven or eight), I began to repent and ask for Jesus to come into my heart almost every night for hearing these words and for a curiosity in the non-Christian things. My prayers continued to request an angelic wall around my house. I did, however, manage to stop being afraid of demons. It was at this point that my mind recalled certain portions of that second influential message, namely the statement that God allowed the minister to see the spiritual warfare. I prayed for years without avail for the ability to see the "spirit realm". "God must know what's best for me," I'd think. During this critical period of my life, my mind was hindered by the beliefs in supernatural things. Without knowing it, I was learning to trust in "things not seen" above reason. Waking life and dreams bled together, and pastors, friends, and family were all encouraging these unfounded claims of the bible.

On my way to the hospital after my grandfather died, I recall hearing him sing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" and "Amazing Grace". To an eight-year-old, the experience was very moving. I began praying that God, the God who was able to do amazing things, would raise my grandfather from the dead. God promised to hear our prayers, but was silent; there must have been a reason. My childish faith, praised in the bible as the key to the kingdom of heaven, led me to praying each Christmas and on the anniversary of his death that my grandfather would be risen from the dead. As the years passed, the specificity eroded into a general "just let me see him" prayer.

Effectual, Fervent Prayer?
I related these stories in an attempt to dispel two commonly-held beliefs in the Christian religion. The bible is specific about the need for childlike faith or "belief that you have what you ask" and for fervency in prayer. Had I not prayed? Several months of daily prayer mixed with years of occasional prayers should count as fervency, especially given my age. Did I believe that I had what I asked? Of course! To me, God was capable of all things and had no reason to withhold my grandfather from me, even if only for a moment. Did this stir me to atheism? As is usually the case, it only served to strengthen my faith.

Defining 'Faith'/Enslaving Reason
Faith, as defined from a Christian perspective, is simply belief in something that has not been verified to be true. It is "the assurance that what we hope for will come about and the certainty that what we cannot see exists." (Hebrews 11:1, ISV) Faith is the denial of the senses, the suspension of reason in the face of obvious contradiction. As a muscle, it is exercised by trials "which test your faith", not during the comfortable times. In matters of religion, reason is exercised only within the cage of faith, thrown scraps of mental real estate as faith permits; we call this "Apologetics". When reason is abandoned, when "God is good all the time!" is the cry of intelligent Christians who daily observe evidence contrary to their faith, the orphan cries in cold alleys behind churches, starving and screaming to be acknowledged. Faith will never pick her up, for reason is the enemy.

When our faith is not checked, it will necessarily cause an atrophy of reason. To continue in the belief that God answers prayer and performs miracles, regardless of how logically we can justify the lack of evidence, is to abrogate the rational adult mind. If I continue to cling to my childhood warm feelings of Jesus, I perform a disservice to the many unfortunate creatures on this earth born with or who later acquire serious infirmities. Faith starts with the belief that God is good; reason demands proof of a god, and, upon obtaining proof, will demand explanations and the subsequent impeachment of such a being for negligence.

Let us cast aside every foolish belief developed during the infancy of our reason. Faith in god is a glorified imaginary friend, useful to us only as an explanation for what we now call Nature. In closing, I leave you with the remarks of Percy Bysshe Shelley.

"If he is infinitely good, what reason should we have to fear him? If he is infinitely wise, why should we have doubts concerning our future? If he knows all, why warn him of our needs and fatigue him with our prayers? If he is everywhere, why erect temples to him? If he is just, why fear that he will punish the creatures that he has filled with weaknesses? If grace does everything for them, what reason would he have for recompensing them? If he is all-powerful, how offend him, how resist him? If he is reasonable, how can he be angry at the blind, to whom he has given the liberty of being unreasonable? If he is immovable, by what right do we pretend to make him change his decrees? If he is inconceivable, why occupy ourselves with him? IF HE HAS SPOKEN, WHY IS THE UNIVERSE NOT CONVINCED? If the knowledge of a God is the most necessary, why is it not the most evident and the clearest?"

References
Scripture taken from the Holy Bible: International Standard Version®. Copyright © 1996-2008 by The ISV Foundation. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED INTERNATIONALLY. Used by permission.

Shelley, P. (1813). The Necessity of Atheism.