Starting life as a strong Christian, I lived with the conviction that my life was not my own, that thought-crime was as damnable as actual crimes, and that my salvation depended on my belief that I was worthless as I am, that I could not do good, and that my savior died in my place on a cross. My periodic vacillation between faithlessness and religious devotion forced me to confront a growing conviction that a true deceiver as vile as the one described in the bible would be likely to go around telling people that he was the only way to salvation. When I finally rededicated my life to Jesus, I scoffed at such a foolish belief and trusted that the Holy Spirit would be there to lead me into all truth. The more kids I had the more I struggled to see the love in giving people a choice to suffer and then punishing them for making a mistake.

It seems even more confusing that humans, for this mistake, are forced to grovel at the feet of a god who didn't have the decency to forgive people without demanding faith in something implausible. Belief in this sense is never an act of volition but rather a product of "revelation". We cannot be forced to believe in something that has never been proven to be true. Our salvation, according to the "Good News", depends on it. It is not good enough to follow the doctrines; rather God demands faith in that which we neither do nor can see to the extent that we "believe in [our] heart that God raised him from the dead". To this I ask, "What are we to use as evidence for this belief that God raised him from the dead?" Is it good enough to hear the testimony of men to then demand that I assent to such incredible stories? Paul suggests that signs and wonders are necessary in "fully preach[ing] the gospel of Christ". The promise of the signs which shall follow is not to those who have a special hold of the truth, but rather is to all "them that believe [the gospel]".

On the basis of my disbelief in such a magnificent [sic] creature, I am assured that I will have my place in hell. "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burns with fire and brimstone: which is the second death." Rev. 21:8 "What comfort this sweet sentence gives." Even Jesus himself is quoted as having said, "[H]e that does not believe shall be damned." Mark 16:16 Disbelief in Santa Claus results in a lack of presents; God on the other hand is quite offended by even slight uncertainty to the point of throwing the disbelievers in a pit of fire. Let us be clear on this: The severe punishment of hell-fire is promised to those whose sole "sin" is the honest questioning of God's divine sacrifice and subsequent resurrection of Jesus. This punishment goes well beyond justice, even if we were to believe that uncertainty is wicked. This, we are assured, is right and that Jesus' judgment is perfect, as he said,
"[M]y judgment is just; because I seek not mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent me." John 5:30 Should we be confused about what judgment to which he is referring, Jesus is again quoted as saying, "He that hears my word, and believes on him that sent me, has everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation." John 5:24 It is Jesus that is entrusted with the judgment of the world and has determined that anyone bold enough to question his word should be worthy of damnation.

An old hymn, Hail the Glorious Golden City, reads,

"Hail the glorious golden city, pictured by the seers of old!
Everlasting light shines o'er it, wondrous tales of it are told:
Only righteous men and women dwell within its gleaming wall;
Wrong is banished from its borders, justice reigns supreme o'er all."

Do we call that justice? Were I to demand worship and adoration from my children in the absence of my presence and my financial support, both past and present, would I be justified in "banishing them from [my] borders" on the basis of such a vile thing as questioning the veracity of my claims of being a loving father who deserves worship? Most certainly not! This absurdity, however, we permit a god "whom [we have] not seen".

Were some of the claims such as the working of miracles and divine knowledge to be carefully studied to be specific to the god of the bible, we may have reason to believe that, despite his being a liar about being just, merciful, holy, loving, or righteous, he is indeed more powerful than we are. As it stands, "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen".

I have since denounced the faith and committed myself to no god. By this, I have received the dubious label of an "enemy of the cross". What constitutes an enemy? More on that in Defining an Enemy.